Friday, December 14

a little crying, a lot of waiting

My cousin told me I can blame it on it being the holidays. I don't think that's the reason, but I've recently cried while watching Paul Potts on Youtube last week, today while finishing A Thousand Splendid Suns, and when I watched Into the Wild and Bella a few weeks ago.

No common thread really. A really normal guy who gets recognition for doing what he loves, realizing a dream. A story of hurt lives and a father's love that was shown too late. A guy with such potential to bring something meaningful to the world but ended up missing it. A wonderful movie about life and the potential to give it.

When I lived in Korea, I went to watch the movie Tae Guk Gi in a theater with some friends and ended up bawling at the end of the movie. I'm normally pretty successful at holding it in (today I didn't let myself really cry because I didn't want my Grandma to get worried!), but that movie really hit me somehow. Two of my friends even rode part of the way back with me on the subway instead of hanging out with the others after the movie that night because they were worried about me. I still have one friend who brings it up sometimes when others ask about my interest in Korea. But I haven't known much of that same passion to well up again until recently.

I am starting to feel like my time in the States should be drawing to a close, but I still have to wait a little longer. At the same time, I know that time here has been good in many ways. I've been able to soak in time alone, think, struggle with my purpose, allow some of the dryness I was feeling to be replaced with living water. Maybe that's where the tears are coming from. Maybe, even though I'm ready to go, I'm supposed to wait a little longer. Not too long, I hope. I really do think if I have to pick a theme for my life, it's waiting. Maybe that's the theme for many of us if we'll allow ourselves to realize it. There's a lot to learn in waiting.

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