Sunday, April 20
a Sunday evening walk
Two weeks ago, as I was walking around for exercise and taking pictures of bluebonnets, I found this neighborhood gas station interesting, as well as the geese and Deep Eddy pool. I love how there were people swimming even in early April.
I pondered on the walk that night things that I don't understand. I had recently talked to a girl who was a 7th grade student when I taught 5-8 years ago (oh, it's been so long!). She's now engaged. As we chatted for just a few minutes, she told me that God has given me the desires for marriage and a family because he's going to fulfill those desires. As much as that sounds reasonable and God-like, I don't know at this point in my life if I believe that. I know plenty of people older than me with the same desires who aren't seeing answers to their prayers. This girl was confident that she was right, and I didn't pursue the topic. For her, the argument is true.
That same weekend, another person mentioned that often heard line that "if you keep living a life focused on God, he'll bring the person who's right for you alongside you that is focused in the same way." This is also something that I'd like to believe, but the people who say these things are the people it's worked for.
While I still ask God to fulfill those desires, I wonder if being single could be a "thorn in the flesh" that God leaves in me to make me more dependent on him. I haven't given up on waiting, but I'm wondering a lot in the waiting.
Tonight, I'm in decision making mode about using my return ticket to China that's about to expire (sooner than I realized) and wishing for a traveling partner, a life partner, a decision making partner.