Two weeks ago, as I was walking around for exercise and taking pictures of bluebonnets, I found this neighborhood gas station interesting, as well as the geese and Deep Eddy pool. I love how there were people swimming even in early April.I pondered on the walk that night things that I don't understand. I had recently talked to a girl who was a 7th grade student when I taught 5-8 years ago (oh, it's been so long!). She's now engaged. As we chatted for just a few minutes, she told me that God has given me the desires for marriage and a family because he's going to fulfill those desires. As much as that sounds reasonable and God-like, I don't know at this point in my life if I believe that. I know plenty of people older than me with the same desires who aren't seeing answers to their prayers. This girl was confident that she was right, and I didn't pursue the topic. For her, the argument is true.
That same weekend, another person mentioned that often heard line that "if you keep living a life focused on God, he'll bring the person who's right for you alongside you that is focused in the same way." This is also something that I'd like to believe, but the people who say these things are the people it's worked for.
While I still ask God to fulfill those desires, I wonder if being single could be a "thorn in the flesh" that God leaves in me to make me more dependent on him. I haven't given up on waiting, but I'm wondering a lot in the waiting.
Tonight, I'm in decision making mode about using my return ticket to China that's about to expire (sooner than I realized) and wishing for a traveling partner, a life partner, a decision making partner.
5 comments:
Oh, what a hard spot. I don't say that lightly. I think I have a recent testimony that showed me how God can give me joy and contentment even if circumstances DON'T change. I agree with you that it's possible that God won't always grant our desires, or maybe he will 30 years from now. Regardless of when (or if), I think it's the waiting that we must learn to be in. I remember being astounded the first time I read (in Hebrews?) that God promised the Israelites all these things that they had faith in but never saw in their lifetimes. A cruel trick? Or call to faith? I love you, Ms. L!
P.S. Those Deep Eddy geese are feisty with a capital F!
Lelabela,
this is one of your most profound post.....ever!
God has put those feelings into your heart at this time for a reason. (the former student encounter wasn't a fluke)
I will be praying for peace and that "special person".
He HAS to be a special person because YOU are so special!
Hmm. I don't have any answers for you, but I can share one fact from own personal experience...the loneliest I've ever been was in a bad marriage.
(Choose carefully, if you MUST choose at all.)
Well, maybe I *do* have a little advice to give...don't put anything off anything you want--a home purchase, an adoption, a commitment--waiting for Mr. Someone to come along Somewhere/Someday. Live your life, lelabela!
If someone decides to hitch his wagon to your (probably more interesting) wagon, hooray! If not, your wagon gets there just the same.
Your OLD teacher,
Ms. Fowler (took my maiden name back)
Oh, and one more thing...I had to laugh when you said that you ran into an old 7th grade student you taught about 5-8 years ago.
I was YOUR 7th grade English teacher nearly TWO DECADES ago! (1989? 1991?)
And here I am on your blog all these years later, admiring your adventuresome spirit, as well as those terrific pictures you always take...
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